I'm seized with self-doubt. A particularly virulent strain of it has knocked the confidence out of me. So, I clean house. My daughter is coming home from visiting my sister and to welcome her, I've scrubbed her room and bathroom into a state of shining bliss. Wait. Is that a tiny piece of toilet paper I see on the floor? AAAUUUGH! FAILURE!!!!
Anyway, while I cleaned, I thought about all the things I thought I knew, the ideas I believed would come to fruition, the expectations I wanted to meet that have failed spectacularly. My life is meaningless and futile!!!!!!!
OK, I'm being melodramatic.
Let's just say things haven't been going the way I thought they would go----in just about EVERY area of my life.
And now? Now, I've missed my period. Or maybe it's just a week late.
Which means God has a fabulous sense of humor since I just got on my high-horse about the contraceptive mentality. God likes to keep me honest. Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha.
The test was negative.
And then I got all sad because for a moment there, I was hoping a little Jonathan or Judith was growing inside me. But then I was all: It's good to be sad because that means I really DO live what I believe! Yay, babies!
I still haven't started my period.
So, naturally, I took another pregnancy test (this time I didn't hold my breath).
Time to busy my mind with other stuff. I am proud to report that I've:
- Cleaned the house
- Done a bazillion loads of laundry
- Gone through a bunch of books and wondered if I should do a big ol' Blog Book Giveaway (what say ye?)
- Walked the dog
- Tanned my legs
- And most importantly, made up with my friend--who happened to read my apology post and sent me a most welcome email.
Cleaning is wonderfully cheap therapy. Despite things in my life not going how I want them to go, at least my toilets are sparkling clean. My floors are vacuumed. Life is happy again. Thank you, sponge and mop!
I also went through some piles of books and wondered if any of you would like these?
I thought so!
Come back tomorrow for the beginning of my 3x3BookGiveaway. Yep. I'm giving away 3 bundles of books, 3 books in each bundle. NOTE: these are my own books in gently used condition.
I can't wait to see my ballerina tomorrow!
(She has called from Chicago to say that she's decided on her goal for next summer: to dance in the Chicago Joffrey Ballet Company's summer intensive. I told her she'd have to earn her way. She said no prob. Oy.)