Even my daughter thinks Katy Perry is lame

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Nothing," she says.

"Come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Jewel, there are tears coming out of your EYEBALLS."

"No, there are NOT!"

Plop. Plop. (Sound of tears hitting the floor).

"Well, OK. You just have water coming out of your eyes for no reason?"


BANG! (Sound of her door slamming).


Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. (Sound of her pounding across her bedroom floor).

"Unlock this door!"


"Because I want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk!"

"Alright. I won't force you to talk, but you need to unlock this door. Calm down for awhile and then come talk to me."

Squeak. (Sound of her unlocking the door).


I go downstairs and clean the kitchen. I hear heathen music blasting from her room and it makes me chuckle. Oh, Katy Perry. Don'tcha know subtlety is sexier??

I scrub pots and pans. I sing a merry little working song.

An hour later she appears with a collage she's made from several news magazines. We don't get fashion or celebrity magazines so her collage is made of ad copy, reconfigured news headlines and pictures from home decor catalogues.

"That's very creative," I say. "Do you feel better now?"

"YEP!" and she plants a kiss on my cheek.

"So, what was wrong?"

"I actually don't know. That was weird."


And we both burst into uproarious laughter.

"Sooooooo.....about that Katy Perry song?"

"Yeah, she's lame. Running naked through the park? Dis-GUST-ing!"

"I know, right?"

"Yeah. And what does it mean that she smells like a minibar? That's stupid."

"So stupid!" I agree.

"I'm actually pretty irritated that a woman would sing songs like that, especially because she makes it sound as if acting like that is all cool and stuff. Because it's not cool. And it only adds to stereotypes about women."

"Wait. Did you just say stereotypes?"

"Yeah. WHAT?! You don't think I'm smart? You don't think I know stuff like this?"

"No! No! Oh my gosh! No! I just meant...you're awesome!"

She eyes me suspiciously. And then she tosses back her long blonde hair and laughs.

"Yep! I'm awesome!"