The Advice Fair-EE: "What if I get bored in my marriage?"

Welcome to The Advice Fair-EE’slove/sex/relationship advice column!

This is where the lovesick, lovelorn and loveless gather to have The Advice Fair-EE’s pixie dust sprinkled over their beautiful, longing hearts.

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Dear Advice Fair-EE, I just recently did the test and found out that I am an ENFP. I noticed the "portrait of an ENFP" is spot on for me but this part about ENFPs in relationships has me a little worried: "ENFPs who have not learned to follow through may have a difficult time remaining happy in marital relationships. Always seeing the possibilities of what could be, they may become bored with what actually is." Being a single woman, I think about marriage quite a bit and I truly want a partner in life but then I worry that I'll get bored being with the same person for the rest of my life. And knowing that you're a married ENFP, I'm just wondering if you can give me any insight/wisdom about this. --Worried ENFP

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Dear Worried, First of all, be not afraid. The fact that you are aware of this is half the battle. A healthy ENFP has a strong sense of values--values which are essential in helping us maintain our commitments. So, my first tip is: make sure you have a set of core values by which you live your life.

As a young ENFP, I dreamed grand, romantic dreams for my future mate. Everything in my dreams was glorious and forever-after beautiful. Unfortunately, real-life is not always so glorious. Real-life requires things like scrubbing toilets and washing sweat-stained clothes.

The key for me has been two-fold:

  1. Marrying a man I admire
  2. Consciously focusing on the good things about him

Our marriage has been far from perfect. But through all the difficulties of life, I've only found more things to love about my husband. And when you admire someone, it's very difficult to get bored with him! :)

We didn't really start out as "soul-mates" and the grand, glorious dreams I dreamt for us seemed laughable in the face of real-life trials. But by growing and cultivating our relationship (it takes both of us doing that!), we are realizing some of those dreams--they just look different than I expected!

Ultimately, my advice is to dream and dream big. But also learn to embrace the unexpected ways those dreams come true.

With best wishes for finding a man you admire, The Advice Fair-EE


***disclaimer: I’m not a licensed therapist, I’m just a woman who has been with the same man for 16 years.** **addendum to the disclaimer: I’m just a chick with an Internet connection and these, my humble opinions.**

If you have a love/sex/relationship/friendship question, please email me with the subject line: ADVICE FAIR-EE. (All identities kept anonymous and I also bequeath you with a pseudonym for extra privacy).

Have advice to share with Worried ENFP? Do share!