The following are real comments, emails and tweets I've recently received, only edited for length and grammar. I ain't judgin', I'm just sayin' Imma let these through moderation so I can haz fun with them in this post.
"Elizabeth, Elizabeth. You had me until this post." If I only had you until this post, I didn't really have you.
"Honestly, you just sound bitter." Honestly, you just sound dismissive.
"Elizabeth Esther, you confuse me." Don't worry, you're not alone. I confuse me, too.
"You're being hypocritical." I agree.
"As a Bible believing Christian with a theology degree, I must say your point is contextually OFF." As a Bible believing Christian without a theology degree I must say your pride is contextually puffed up.
"Lighten up!" Sorry, I only starts diets in February. Check back next month.
"What's the difference between a self-righteous YouTube video and this blog?" Well, for starters, one is a video and this is a blog.
"Do you think you are saved? Anathema to you!" And Ichabod to you! Next time we curse each other, let's do it in Aramaic.
"Mary brought you back to God? Seriously?" No, literally.
"Your post is an over-reaction." Thank you, arbiter of appropriate reactions.
"Forgive this email, but ___________." Anytime an email starts like this, I know I'm about to read something unforgivably rude.
"Your judgment, bias and unresolved hurt are showing through." Thank God my pantyline isn't showing through!
"Honestly, you just sound overly sensitive." Honestly, you just sound overly insensitive.
"I don't even see why you would post this." Which is probably why you didn't post it.
"You must be super sensitive about your religion." Actually, I'm only super sensitive about cat dander.
"Reading your take, Elizabeth, shows you're ignorant of Catholic history and dogma." What? I'm not ignorant of my Catholic dog! I get her blessed every year.
"I understand you're on a journey to your PERSONAL truth." As opposed to your highly enlightened one, of course.
"Yes, now we all know what Elizabeth would like the Bible to say." I'm calling it the EEV. The Elizabeth Esther Version. It's totally Authorized.
[Three paragraphs of Scripture refuting my opinion] This was clearly NOT the Authorized Version!
"I don't think you understand doctrine." But I do understand Spocktrine. Does Star Trek knowledge count?
"You just don't get it." TRUE! I'M JUST GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT!