Old-school misogyny is alive and well. Except now it's dressed in hip clothing. It probably blogs. It probably gets its ideas from books rife with harmful gender stereotypes. And it probably uses edgy language like "giving our men their balls back...one day at a time." OK, see. Let's stop right there. I have questions.
- If you're gonna give the balls back, why do it one day at a time?
- Why not give BOTH balls back on the SAME day?
I also need an explanation for this statement: "The Love & Respect book had a lot of sexist stereotypes about women but hey! Let's talk about how awesome this book is!"
Well, that's a paraphrase. Here's the real quote:
I’m not going to promote or bash this book… it had some good points that have been eye opening and some HUGE stereotypes that made me crazy mad.
You know what makes me crazy SAD? I get so discouraged when, instead of refuting those HUGE, harmful stereotypes, Christian women promote those ideas by asserting that We Women--and I quote--"have essentially castrated our men."
Well, thank goodness we haven't literally castrated our men, amen? Because, ew. Also, messy.
My real problem, here, is that harmful books like these are still popular in Christian circles. What REALLY breaks my heart is that women who are sincerely trying to improve their marriages fall prey to harmful teaching mainly because the most popular Christian books on marriage are harmful!
Heck, this book has spawned Love & Respect-themed retreat$! There are workbook$!
Is this book really about helping people?
Because here's the thing: any Christian book that claims to have discovered "THE SINGLE GREATEST SECRET to a successful marriage" is highly suspect. It makes all my fundamentalist triggers go on high alert. It's formulaic! If you follow steps 1-2-3, you, too, can have a Successful Marriage!
I mean, dude. How did couples ever manage to stay married before this book was published? THEY DIDN'T KNOW THE SINGLE GREATEST SECRET!
Just in case you're wondering, the Single Greatest Secret for Marriage Success is that women need unconditional love and men desperately need unconditional respect. Yes, men desperately neeeeeeeed respect. It's in the title. Love & Respect: the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs.
I don't know about you, but a man who desperately needs anything from me is also highly suspect. I don't like neediness. Neither does my therapist. She has this fancy word for it: co-dependent.
Also, what is unconditional respect? To me, that sounds like a huge loophole for tolerating abuse. Like, hey, woman. NO MATTER HOW BAD I TREAT YOU, YOU MUST RESPECT ME!
Why is respect gender exclusive, anyway? Women need respect, too, yes? I mean, are we calling Aretha Franklin a liar??
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!
Ahem. I digress.
Point: I have a hard time believing there's any Biblical support for "unconditional respect." I COULD be wrong. Feel free to correct, exhort and rebuke me in the comment section. I will listen. Or delete you. Depends on whether you desperately neeeeed me to respect you. Mwah-ha-ha.
Multiple reviewers have noted that the book is 'incredibly sexist". So, why are Christians still propagating this stuff?
I just don't get it.
Oh, wait. I do.
It's all Eve's fault!