My book releases in 20 days. Twenty.
Or, as my middle school boy mumbles: "Twunny."
Yeah, I got twunny days. Cue: EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN.
I wish I felt more excited. From the way people keep talking, I'm supposed to Be All Pumped Up.
"Are you excited?" they ask. And all I can think is: "Yeah, I'm excited like going to the guillotine is exciting."
"Oh, don't be so dramatic," they say.
"Fine. I'm excited like going to get a root canal is exciting."
Honestly, all I wanna do is crawl under the covers and suck on Xanax lollipops--if there is such a thing.
I mean, I WROTE about the smarmy recruitment tactics of my childhood cult. I don't wanna BECOME that. Cue smarmy, self-promoting author hawking her book on street corners: "TODAY IS THE DAY OF SALVATION! BUY MY BOOK!"
So, I'm gonna keep it simple: Hi, I have a book. Please buy it.
There. Done. And now, let me sweeten the deal, K? (In the least smarmy-way-I-could-imagine-please-bear-with-me):
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