In case you didn't know yet, I'm something of a forceful personality. I like to be in control, call the shots, blow the whistle and get things done chop-chop. I do not like to be told what to do or how to do it. I see the Big Picture and focus on results, not rhetoric.
This is fantastic when you're a mom of 5 and busy making menus, following schedules, keeping the kids in line and preaching about politics.
This is not so fantastic when you blaze over the feelings and opinions of others, jump to conclusions, refuse to be a team player, and yell over spilled milk.
Since school started, I've been blasting through my days like a Red Bull drinking monkey working a jackhammer. C'mon, haven't you seen one of those? :-)
The point is, I'm up against 2 different schools, 3 different bell schedules, ballet, choir, music lessons and 21 meals to prepare. Did I mention I also have baby twins?
The problem is, life doesn't necessarily go according to my plan. And when my plan gets kinked, I trip up and fall down.
So, this post is me tripping and falling down in front of you because know what? I have nothing to hide. And also, I don't do anyone any favors by pretending to have it all together.
I really screwed it up this week----ok, nothing major. Just your usual impatient, reckless, overly critical mom on a mission blazing her way through like...yeah, a monkey with a jackhammer. But that full-speed-ahead-mode did some damage.
The thing that stopped me dead in my tracks? The unconditional love and acceptance of my family. My mom who gave me permission to bow out of an obligation, my husband who told me to go blow off some energy on a vigorous walk, my eldest daughter who expressed gratitude for all the work I do, and my son, Jude who called to me one afternoon:
"Mommy! Mommy! I have a surprise for you! I made it for you, come look!"
I had too much to do and didn't want to go look. But I went anyway.
"Mommy, it's a chair of relaxment for you! Because you get so weared out!"
And there it was, in the middle of my chaos---GRACE. I sank down on the "chair of relaxment" in sheer relief. I cuddled there with my son. We looked out the window and laughed together. I put the chores, the craziness, the chaos on hold. I sat down and I held my son.
Sometimes I just have to lay it all down. Lay it all at the cross of Jesus. Let go of my plans, my opinions, my way of doing things and let the grace pour in.
This week I totally messed things up. But I also gave grace a chance. I'm so glad I did.