Why I Don't Live My Best Life NOW!
It's everywhere. Even the package of mushrooms I bought at the grocery stores says: BEST LIFE APPROVED. This is not good.
People keep telling me they're trying to live their BEST LIFE NOW! I think they're crazy. That's waaaay too much pressure. Especially for Type A personalities like myself who can easily turn "seize the day" into...well, seizures. I tried to Live My Best Life Now. It stunk.
I would jolt awake each morning trying desperately to hang onto THIS ONE LAST MORNING! Cherishing the soft warmth of my bed! Really feeeeeeeling the cold floor. Smelling the roses. Nay, frolicking through a rose garden!!!
Maybe that whole "seize the day" thing works for some folks, but it doesn't work for me. Sucking the marrow out of life is exhausting. Also, it annoys other people.
Matt would tug away from me like, "Babe, chill. I'll be back tonight."
"But what if this is your last day on Earth?" I would call after him.
"Then at least you'd have my life insurance."
It mortifies me to admit we've actually had that very conversation.
The kids would be all: "Mom, could you stop hugging me? I'm suffer-cating!"
"But what if I never see you again?" I would say.
I learned the hard way that this is not a good thing to say to children.
I think I got this "be prepared to die any moment" from my mom. Every time I had to go on a plane flight, mom would call. Her voice would be solemn, slightly sighing.
"Honey? I'll be praying for you at exactly 8:43 a.m."
"How funny! That's right when my plane will be taking off."
"Yes, that's why I'll be praying, sweetheart."
No wonder I'm paranoid about flying. Plus, dying in a plane crash would end my Best Life Now.
All of this leads me to conclude that living like you're dying is hell. With a lower-case h, of course.
I mean, I would like to make scrambled eggs with mushrooms without seeing BEST LIFE APPROVED stamped on the package. Frankly, it's discrimination. Who can I sue for discrimination against Women Who Like To Wear PJs Every Day?
I would like to live my Good Enough Life without being reminded that it could be My Best Life. I don't want My Best Life. I want the one I have.
So, may I just saute my mushrooms in peace?