I finally let myself feel it. I dressed up and went out to celebrate my book deal. The twins saw me all dressed up and demanded to know if I was a princess. Also, Mommy, can I smelling you? Jude snapped a picture but not before one of the twins darted in. In the picture, she is asking: "Can you see me, too, Jude? Can you see ME?"
And isn't that the question we're all asking? Can you see me, too? Can you see ME? Beneath that question is the hidden fear that we are unseen, invisible. Sometimes we feel like our very existence depends on whether or not someone sees us, acknowledges us, validates us. We carve into trees, graffiti freeways, scribble on public bathroom stalls: I WAS HERE.
The paradox, though, is that sometimes we have to hide away in order to be seen. Some of us must retreat to safe little nests where we create something beautiful to show the world. Which is to say, I am willing to courageously show you my naked heart but first, I have to enter the silence and write it out. This is my little writing corner. This is where I'll be bleeding out my words for the next three months:
This is my Inspiration Bookcase:
It's filled with some of my favorite books, journals, pictures, artwork, ephemera. Each piece in this bookcase has a story behind it. I'm still piecing it together; need a few more pictures in a frame, I'm trying to track down a particular book of dearly loved poetry.
I'm working under deadline now (and, yikes, I have A LOT of work to do!). My entire manuscript is due November 5th. After that, I'll be doing final edits and then the book will be officially delivered to Random House in early December. It will go into production and we're expecting a Fall 2013 release date.
My book doesn't have an official title yet but it's something along the lines of: How I Left Church To Find God. It follows my journey out of oppressive fundamentalism and into freedom. It's humorous, heart-breaking, sarcastic, witty, reflective.
I'm writing my heart out and someday soon, you'll hold it in your hands...