Ephemeral Now

Hope deferred makes the heart sick and now I know what that means. Remember, they said, always live for eternity and so I toiled for some future time, some future place. I never learned how to live in this beautiful now, this fleeting, ephemeral now.

My daughter, my love, forgive me. I disciplined you for "the sake of eternity" but in so doing, I stole a few of your fleeting nows. How could I do this?

Because it was done to me. What was it Maya Angelou said? We do what we know to do and when we know better, we do better...

I didn't know better.

But I do now.

Today is the day of salvation and each day you save me. You dance with holy fire and it consumes me.

I know you've heard the naysayers, critics. Pfft, they say. Dance, what a waste of time!

But what is time except all these fleeting, ephemeral nows? And why not waste them on beauty? Why not waste them on art?

Beauty is all we have left, really. And for me, it is the one last thing that reminds me of God. Maybe, if He's still there, He gave me you--and your beautiful dance.

Next week you enter American Ballet Theatre's summer intensive and today you told me you're scared. My love, fear is a gift especially when we are practicing our art. When I write something scary and my hands begin to shake, I know something good is happening. I write into the fear.

Beloved, dance into the fear.

Be not afraid to waste your nows on beauty, on art, on this one, fleeting ephemeral moment.

Because in the end, this NOW is all we have.

**NOTE: my heart is weary from Monday's comment box, so comments are closed today. But I wanted you to know how grateful Jewel is for each and every one of you who so graciously helped send her to this upcoming ABT intensive. I will be posting updates as she dances through this journey. Thank you. And much love...